Yeah so its been a long time since I have wrote anything. Ethan will be a year old soon. Doesnt really seem that long ago since he was born. But in a year I have changed a lot emotionally. I still regret the adoption. I regret not getting an abortion. I regret a lot of things. But I cant change them. It is still hard for me to look at Ethans pictures. But he is looking more like me with each picture I see, and for that I am really happy.
About a couple weeks ago, I broke down and cried for hours on end about Ethan and the adoption. It was hard. I found myself hating me, Ethan, Adrian, and bio dad. I hated the fact that I had to give him up but yet it is totally ok for bio dad to make another baby and be happy. Why cant that be me? Why cant I have my son with me and Adrian? Why cant I be happy with both of my boys?
I wish I could say that I am better. But Im not. After 11 months, I am going to see a therapist. I can not hate Ethan, myself or Adrian.
Monday, October 15, 2012
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)