Regretting

The reason I resent my adoption is because I didnt want to be put in that place to do it. I didnt want to put more on Adrian because he was already going through enough. I didnt give Ethan to my dad and stepmom because I didnt know that he would be right there in reach where I could take him. It doesnt matter that they wanted it so I wouldnt regret it. But when I conutined the pregnancy that is when I regretted it. It is not an easy thing. I dont know how it would have been if he was just 10 minutes away. I dont understand why all the sudden my dad wants us to come around, especially when I have yet to receive some sort of a sorry from him and my grandmother for trying to putting me in that place where I would be more worse off. 

Babbling

The other night, the guys posted a video of Ethan "talking" it was so cute. It hurt that I couldn't experience that first hand, but I'm happy that I could ses a video of it. When Adrian saw it, he started talking to the laptop screen. He started moving the mouse over the video and he thought that Ethan could see the flower that is my cursor. After I broke the news to him that it was a video, he was a little hurt. So to make him feel better I told him that we could Skype with them in a few weeks, which made him feel better. I've been putting off video chatting with them because I don't want to feel that hurt. I know they understand that, and they are letting me have what I want at the moment. I am greatful that they want it very open.