Showing posts with label adoption. Show all posts
Showing posts with label adoption. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Regretting
The reason I resent my adoption is because I didnt want to be put in that place to do it. I didnt want to put more on Adrian because he was already going through enough. I didnt give Ethan to my dad and stepmom because I didnt know that he would be right there in reach where I could take him. It doesnt matter that they wanted it so I wouldnt regret it. But when I conutined the pregnancy that is when I regretted it. It is not an easy thing. I dont know how it would have been if he was just 10 minutes away. I dont understand why all the sudden my dad wants us to come around, especially when I have yet to receive some sort of a sorry from him and my grandmother for trying to putting me in that place where I would be more worse off.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Babbling
The other night, the guys posted a video of Ethan "talking" it was so cute. It hurt that I couldn't experience that first hand, but I'm happy that I could ses a video of it. When Adrian saw it, he started talking to the laptop screen. He started moving the mouse over the video and he thought that Ethan could see the flower that is my cursor. After I broke the news to him that it was a video, he was a little hurt. So to make him feel better I told him that we could Skype with them in a few weeks, which made him feel better. I've been putting off video chatting with them because I don't want to feel that hurt. I know they understand that, and they are letting me have what I want at the moment. I am greatful that they want it very open.
Monday, January 23, 2012
First Post
This is my first post for this blog. I will tell you a little about me and my situation. I am a mom and a birthmom. I have a soon to be 5 year old and a soon to be 3 month old sons. I am raising my oldest but I placed my youngest with a wonderful couple.
I did not plan to become pregnant when I did with my youngest, it just happened. I barely knew his father, and I was currently in the process of getting over my oldest father whom I was with for 6 years. When I told my family that I was pregnant, they wanted me to marry the dad, move in with him, and start a life with him. After I told my dad that I wasn't going to do that and I was going to place the baby for adoption thats when the hell started. My mom wasn't supportive during my pregnancy, but she is now. I think I made her proud, I hope I did. My dads side of the family wanted me to give the baby to my dad and stepmom. My dad and I have always had this off and on type of relationship. It got to the point where after I met the guys, he called me and started yelling at me that I posted something on facebook bad about him which made my little sister cry. Which I do not do. Then 2 weeks before I gave birth, they came to pick up my oldest to take him overnight, and they tried to bribe me with a car if they could get the baby. When I told them that they were not going to get the baby because I do not want him growing up and being my "brother" and seeing his brother as his "nephew". Then they told me that they would not do that, but I still digressed. The reason why I was so adimant about it was because when I was pregnant with my oldest they wanted to adopt him because they feared that my ex and I weren't going to be good parents. But here I am, almost 5 years later, being the best parent that my son could have.
Right now, my dads family and I don't speak. I do talk to my little sister thru facebook and via text messages. I know in my heart, I know I did the best possible thing for myself and my sons. The decision was for nobody else but for us. It was the best thing for us as a little family. Even though, as you will see in my future posts, I do have regrets, I do wish things were different, BUT at the same time, I know I chose the best family for him. He is so very loved.
I did not plan to become pregnant when I did with my youngest, it just happened. I barely knew his father, and I was currently in the process of getting over my oldest father whom I was with for 6 years. When I told my family that I was pregnant, they wanted me to marry the dad, move in with him, and start a life with him. After I told my dad that I wasn't going to do that and I was going to place the baby for adoption thats when the hell started. My mom wasn't supportive during my pregnancy, but she is now. I think I made her proud, I hope I did. My dads side of the family wanted me to give the baby to my dad and stepmom. My dad and I have always had this off and on type of relationship. It got to the point where after I met the guys, he called me and started yelling at me that I posted something on facebook bad about him which made my little sister cry. Which I do not do. Then 2 weeks before I gave birth, they came to pick up my oldest to take him overnight, and they tried to bribe me with a car if they could get the baby. When I told them that they were not going to get the baby because I do not want him growing up and being my "brother" and seeing his brother as his "nephew". Then they told me that they would not do that, but I still digressed. The reason why I was so adimant about it was because when I was pregnant with my oldest they wanted to adopt him because they feared that my ex and I weren't going to be good parents. But here I am, almost 5 years later, being the best parent that my son could have.
Right now, my dads family and I don't speak. I do talk to my little sister thru facebook and via text messages. I know in my heart, I know I did the best possible thing for myself and my sons. The decision was for nobody else but for us. It was the best thing for us as a little family. Even though, as you will see in my future posts, I do have regrets, I do wish things were different, BUT at the same time, I know I chose the best family for him. He is so very loved.
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