Haven't wrote lately

and I am sorry. Life has gotten in the way. Right now Adrian and I are in FL for the week visiting my grandparents.

I got a message either last night or the night before from the boys telling me that Ethan is going to get tubes in his ears in May. In a way I fail, because I feel like I failed Ethan. Because I couldnt have made him healthy and perfect. I know that most all kids get tubes due to ear infections, but at the same time, I have tubes because of my hearing loss, then Adrian has tubes because of the ear infections.

Lately, Adrian has been telling me that I dont love him and I never wanted him, and that I have been telling people that I never wanted adrian. While, none of it is true. Adrian was not planned but not prevented. Me and his dad knew that we were going to be together, so we didnt really care if we had a kid or not. So Adrian happened. Thats always been the story with Adrian... more than a few people had pushed me to get an abortion, but I didnt want to. Welp, I guess Adrian has over heard me saying about how I wished I never had Ethan, or met his bio dad, for a number of reasons. I love my porkers, but the pain that I have gone through, I dont wish it on anyone. And now Adrian thinks I am talking about him, when I say that stuff. Even though I try tell him that I dont mean it, it never leaves it. Poor kid.

Offended

I have these couple guys that talk to me every couple months and they ask me how life is and how my sons are. And I get offended because both of them know that I placed ethan for adoption. I know I shouldnt get offended, but I do. Yes I consider Ethan my son, but do I want random guys asking me how my sons are? I know it is completely stupid and irrational of me, but it bugs me.