I dont understand

I dont understand why my mom is insistant on telling me that for my next kid I will be ready. She doesnt realize what she says when she says it. I flipped out on my mom tonight at walmart. I started crying as she gave me a disgusted looked, she was about to saying something really horrible that started with "well you did -----" She didnt finish it because I was crying and flipping out on her. In the mist of this Adrian kept saying to my mom "quit hurting mommys feelings, its making mommy cry." She honestly does not know how badly how everything hurts me and how it affects me. I wish WISH she understood.  I dont think she realizes how much it hurts. I told my mom that I invited my ex [oldest sons father] and his wife and their kids over for halloween for dinner and they have a daughter a month older than my youngest is, and my mom asked if she was coming, I said I dont know. Shes like well I know you dont like being around babies but at some point your going to have to get over it. And a week or two before, my ex [oldest sons father] said I needed to get over the fact that I placed my youngest. 

My youngest is 13 months old. It hurts. I told my mom that the bio dad [youngest sons] got his hs girlfriend pregnant [this summer] and shes like well whatever. Seriously? Everything hurts. I dont think my family realizes this shit