The easiest part

The easiest thing about the adoption process, for me, I would have to say is the pregnancy. I didn't get attached to Ethan while I was pregnant. I didn't have that bond with him that I did with Adrian. Granted, I wanted Lewis, and he was my first child. But he was unexpected.
I had many ultrasounds, every time I went into the doctors office. I wasn't going to find out the sex, due to I was afraid that I was going have a little girl and I didn't want to give my first daughter up. But one time I was getting an ultrasound done, and I thought I had saw a "hotdog", and I had asked the doctor and he went back and looked, and he said "yep, its a boy". I told him "I didn't want to find out" and he said "oops", I told him "its ok, he wanted to be known anyways". I left the doctors that day, I texted his bio dad and told him and I called the adoption person that I was working with. For me, finding out that I was pregnant with another boy was sort of a relief.
I think that for me was easiest, because in turn it was easier for me to let him go to Ryan and Julio. I tell everyone that I didn't love Ethan when I was pregnant, I fell in love with him when he was under the blue lights for being jaundiced when he was a day or so old. He laid there and I knew at that moment, I loved him. I spent a night with him at the hospital, I knew I wouldn't get any of the time back that I had spent with him being his "mom". I did it after the bio dad and I signed the papers, because I knew if I wanted to keep him there would be no turning back.
Yes there is a time frame where if you want to have the child back after you sign your rights over you can do so. Ethans bio dad and I had 14 days to change our minds. I will tell you that was the most challenging time for me. I was going crazy. It had me crying and fighting in my head. I have talked to other birthmom and who agree with me that that time frame makes you crazy. I also heard from one that told me she had 90 days to change her mind. I told her that I would have fled the state if I had that amount of time. As it has been only soon to be 3 months since I signed my rights over of Ethan, I can still go back for him if I want to. BUT I will not, because it will cost a lot of money and he is with the best couple that I could have picked for him and he will have the best life, that me or his bio father could give him.