Its been a while

Its been about a month since I have written anything. In that month, I have come to peace with the fact that I will never get to meet my niece, L. I have thought about visiting Ethan sometime after his birthday. I am unsure if I am going to go or not, but Im in the thinking process. Adrian went in the hospital about a week ago because he wasnt breathing and he had a unidentified mass in his lung that has since gone, and he is all better minus a cough.

One of my friends just announced that she is pregnant with her 3rd. Part of me thinks its a "fixer" baby, part of me thinks that part of me is jealous and angry and bitter. One of my friends is about to have her baby in the next week or so. Then one of my friends is naming her baby a JR, and I am more pissed off at that.  I dont know why. I dont want to be mad. I dont want to be hurting, I want to be happy for them. More often than not I find myself hating them. My friend who is naming her baby a JR is a birthmom and so is her sister. Her sister just gave up her baby in jan/ feb. and that is the same time my friend came out as pregnant. My friend is so over the moon that she is pregnant and happy and life is blessed, the whole nine yards, I think she has forgotten that she herself is a birthmom. Her sister has stolen some of JRs baby clothes, blankets, etc. She is acting not like herself. And the posts that I have seen are like mocking her and shitting on her.

Its unfair that she is shitting on her own sister. I mean she may not have let it be known to the world that she was pregnant with I [my friend] and let them know that she is chose adoption. And I know she has closed herself off from it and dealing with it. But her sister is dealing with it, and doing what shes doing, I bet because she doesnt know how to let out these feelings and how to cope. Ive tried contacting the sister, but she has removed her FB page, she isnt on twitter much... I dont know much of else I can do. I want to contact my friend and ask her for her number. I feel bad for her. Her twitter page was filled with some crying posts, her wanting her child back, "you'd think that she'd understand", and depressing stuff.

I love helping people out. I dont want them to hurt. I hate seeing anyone hurting or in pain.